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Social Distancing

Updated: Jul 25, 2020

What are you doing to keep yourself occupied during the current zombie apocalypse? Okay, I know it's not a zombie apocalypse. But doesn't that make it sound so much more fun?

I'm still going to work. And as of yesterday, the job I perform has been deemed an essential service. Which means that once the zombies take over the city and we go into official lockdown, I can show my credentials to the apocalypse police and they have to let me pass.

My wife is working from home. The service she provides is quite essential. She is a teacher. On the positive side, she gets to be with our dog during the day. The negative: putting on a hazmat suit every time we need to go out to fight zombies for a roll of toilet paper.

Living in Minnesota, springtime is usually our time to get outside. To reconnect with people. To remember what they look like without parkas. But not this spring. This year, cabin fever has been extended for an undetermined amount of time.

If you're a sports fan, you're left with watching re-runs of past sporting events. And unless you have a really bad memory, you already know who wins. All of your favorite television shows will soon be showing re-runs as well. Right now, it's like every day is Flashback Friday.

So, what can you do during a zombie apocalypse? You can't go out. You can't watch live sports. You can't touch your face. What's a person to do? I've been battling with this question. So I've come up with a few ideas:

  • Organize your socks according to age.

  • Learn how to fold a fitted sheet.

  • Go to Amazon and play hand-sanitizer roulette.

  • Invent a new game like hand-sanitizer roulette.

  • Binge-watch World War II documentaries on Netflix.

  • Binge-watch World War I documentaries on Netflix.

  • Fill out a March Madness bracket with all the teams you think would have made it to the tournament, pick the teams you think you would have picked to win, and compare them with the teams you think would have actually won and see how well you would have done. This one is fun to play with family and friends online. Although, some may have a different definition of fun.

  • Google "who coined the phrase March Madness."

  • Catch up on YouTube.

  • Record the amount of time it takes to boil water at medium heat.

  • Re-organize your socks by color.

  • Watch last year's NBA playoffs.

  • Watch last year's NHL playoffs.

  • Organize your sheets according to thread count.

  • Go to DOT website and check the traffic cams for signs of life.

  • Eat chocolate.

  • Organize your wine in the order you're going to drink it.

So you see, there are plenty of things to keep yourself occupied. Of course, you could watch the news. But right now, watching the news is a bit like watching Groundhog Day, but without Bill Murray.

If anyone else has any suggestions, I'd be happy to listen. I've got nothing but time. But right now, I've gotta go. I think I just saw a vehicle on the DOT traffic cam. I need to go investigate. Unless maybe they are playing re-runs as well.

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